Do you guys remember Blues Clues? Chances are you at least saw one episode. There were talking spice bottles and a little blue dog (who I later found out was a girl? and the pink one was a boy, so good for them for breaking down gender norms). And then there was the host, Steve, who perpetually wore a green striped polo and khakis. He was the whitest of white dudes, and he was super sweet. I thought he was the fuckin bee’s knees, and also super cute. It was your generic kid’s show, but it was pretty chill compared to all the fast paced shows aimed at kids. And then one day Steve (the host) was gone. And replaced by an impostor named Joe (who was his “brother”), and Steve was never to be seen again. They said he went to college on the show, but obviously that wasn’t the case. Rumors flew around that he was a child molester, he left to become a rock star (which was kinda true), or that he was traveling the world. I remember being crushed, and feeling truly betrayed by whomever decided the show could continue without him. Eventually I forgot about it, we all moved on, it was just a kid’s show after all. But recently I started wondering what actually happened to him. Turns out, he was kind of sick of being a kid’s show host, and wanted to pursue a career in music (he partnered with people from the Flaming Lips to release an album called Music for Dustmites), and then the slightly smaller fact that he had started going bald, and didn’t want everyone to see his decent into baldness. Regardless of him not being on a kid’s show, he’s still a man we can all look up to. So yeah, we all learned a lesson or something. Boom. Anyways, I can’t focus right now so this blog post is outie-5000.